When 0 > 1

Last week, I did my best to gently nudge my female friends to stop procrastinating and make those mammogram appointments they've been putting off.  As I explained previously, turned out mine was a wake up call I hadn't really expected. It revealed some calcifications in my right breast, which often signify nothing but sometimes can spell trouble. These are itty-bitty things that one would never feel or be aware of in the slightest absent the wonders of modern day technology.

In order to rule out their being something more than nothing, I underwent a "stereotactic" biopsy this past Thursday. If you're like me, you probably don't know what "stereotactic" means, so I'm including the handy dandy Merriam Webster medical definition here for you:

involving, being, utilizing, or used in a surgical technique for precisely directing the tip of a delicate instrument (as a needle) or beam of radiation in three planes using coordinates provided by medical imaging (as computed tomography) in order to reach a specific locus in the body (as a tumor in the brain or breast)  <a stereotacticbiopsy>   <a stereotactic surgical probe>

Basically, they use a modified mammogram technique to visualize the area of concern and then use that to guide this hollow ("core") needle to it in order to extract several strips of tissue for further examination. Sounds easy enough, but it does have its tricks: For starters, they have you lay down on a special surgical table, face first. It has an opening toward the top for your breast to - theoretically - hang through, and a pillow above that on which you rest your head, facing one side or the other. Then they elevate the table and the nurses and technicians get you all positioned just so and take several different films in order to pinpoint the calcifications - it's pretty much like getting a horizontal mammogram. The mammography unit then holds you firmly in place so the radiologist can perform the biopsy.  The table they have you on is padded - somewhat like an ironing board - so it isn't terribly uncomfortable. What is uncomfortable is that you have to lie very still while all this is going on, which means you can't move your head or neck at all - for as much as 30-45 minutes. 

I, of course, further complicated things by managing to have calcifications in the upper outer portion of my less-than-ample boob - which made actually getting the things visualized and me positioned properly for the procedure rather awkwardly difficult. Finally, the fine folks who were working with me quite apologetically asked me to get down off the table so they could remove the padding from it in hopes that this would then allow the target area to hang through adequately enough. Thankfully, it did. (Never thought I'd consider the fact that gravity has very little effect on my breasts a bad thing, but in this case, it was - who knew?!)

At long last, we had visualized calcifications and properly-positioned Susie. Next came the requisite prepping of the biopsy site with antiseptic swabbing and then local anesthetic. (Yes, this involved a needle - no it wasn't all that bad - pretty much just a pinprick.). Then the radiologist went to work and extracted several tissue samples from the afflicted area. They had to run them to the next room real quick to examine them under a microscope and verify they'd gotten the calcifications, which - yay! - they had. (Yes, I actually said, "Yay!" when this was confirmed.)  The biopsy itself only took maybe 5-7 minutes. At that point, they freed me up and it was merely a matter of applying pressure to the incision site and then, after I rolled over (much to the joy of my stiff neck), applying Dermabond surgical glue to the incision - which was about a quarter-of-an-inch - and then a dressing over that, which the nurse did quickly and efficiently. 

I cannot stress enough how absolutely professional, kind, caring and warm the staff was throughout this experience. Everyone I dealt with at the breast care center was great, and in particular, Lisa, the nurse who explained the procedure before, who bandaged me up after, and who stood by my side and talked to me and reassured me during the procedure, occasionally reaching over to pat my head or rub my shoulder, was phenomenal. Also, Dr. G, who performed the biopsy, actually was kind enough to massage my neck while we were in a holding pattern at one point during the process. Moreover, they do their best at this facility to make it feel not-so-clinical.  There are numerous feminine touches throughout the offices and exam rooms, lots of pink and positive messages. And during the procedure itself, the lights were dimmed and there was soft music piped in - it almost made it seem spa-like.

Almost. Point being that as much as I wasn't there for a facial and a Swedish massage, what might otherwise have been an uncomfortable and slightly scary experience really wasn't all that bad. 

Afterwards, I sat with Lisa in her office while she went over my discharge instructions: that jittery feeling I had was residual from the epinephrine which is included with the lidocaine they use for the local anesthetic and would go away once I went home and rested/napped for four hours; bandage was to stay on for 24 hours; no lifting more than 10 lbs, and no torquing-type motion with my arms for a few days (there went my grand plans of vacuuming and lawn mowing this weekend!)  My Mom was kind enough to be my driver that day, so she took me home and I did as I was ordered.  Okay, I did respond to the dozen e-mails that had invaded my work e-mail Inbox that morning, but after that, I rested. And have done a fairly decent job of taking it easy since. The incision is small and healing fine, there's only minimal bruising, and I'm only mildly sore. 

They told me I'd either hear back regarding the pathology results on Friday or, more likely, Monday. When Friday came and went without any word, I pretty much put it out of my mind for the weekend. I wasn't overly concerned. I remained optimistic that the news would be good - the calcifications would be benign - and we'd all go on our merry way. 

To my surprise, the radiologist called me on Saturday.  She had the results and said she didn't want me to have to wait out the weekend. Unfortunately, she wasn't able to be the bearer of good news - though, it wasn't terrible news either.  I have "carcinoma in situ" - which is an early form of cancer that is defined by the absence of invasion of tumor cells into the surrounding tissue. They classify it as "Stage 0". Which is, of course, better (greater!) than Stage 1 or 2, and way better than Stage 3 or 4. Basically, Stage 0 means there's no tumor, no lymph node involvement and no distant metastasis. I just had some nasty little cells hanging out in there that would very likely turn into something worse if left untreated.

So...my next step is to have an MRI of both breasts. This will thoroughly scan for any other nasties. If none are found, then no further treatment will be necessary at this time. If some are, I may have to undergo another biopsy, or, depending on the extent, a lumpectomy and radiation. Obviously, I'm partial to the first option. The good thing about the MRI is that even though it will require me to lay still on my stomach once again for around 45 minutes, per Dr. G, they shouldn't have to remove any padding to scan me.  Sure would be nice if they had it set up like one of those massage tables so I wouldn't have to keep my head turned to one side the whole time, though!

Dr. G was very apologetic for calling to give me the news she did.  Though as my friend Cari described it - it's the "best bad news" I could have hoped to get. Dr. G did say that it was really fortunate that I got my mammogram when I did - it basically enabled them to catch this at its earliest stages. So I'm looking at this yet again as my opportunity -- and responsibility -- to nudge others to not put off those mammograms any longer. And that goes for men and prostate exams, and for everyone and colonoscopies, etc. -- get tested and scanned when it's recommended. Don't be a procrastinator when it comes to your health. Hopefully, all will be well, but if not, think of how much better it is to catch these things and squash them when they're zeroes. 

Now is the Time...

I'm a terrible procrastinator.  Or....maybe I'm a terrific one.  Whichever adjective best describes one who procrastinates in most all arenas....that one's me.  For instance, I have an office in my house. It's a nice space (converted bedroom), with a desk, computer, printer and filing cabinet, book shelf, and an electric piano. Given its function, it has become the repository for all paper -- bills, tax returns, school records, six years of school art projects, EOB's, old photographs (remember when they used to be printed out?!), etc.  This may not come as a surprise to you, but even one-and-a-half people can generate a lot of paper.  (And laundry - but that's for another time.)  

So, over time, the office filled up with paper I kept meaning to get to and sort through and pitch and organize....but never did.  And since it was already such a mess, it started becoming the place to toss all other items for which I couldn't find a proper place.  And I started keeping the door to the office closed whenever we had guests so no one could see what a pigsty it had become.  I'd get to it.  Eventually.

"Eventually" finally got here last weekend.  I set out with the very unambitious goal of simply sorting through a couple stacks of things which were essentially blocking my access to the closet (which houses various gift wrap/tissue paper/gift bag supplies, along with my business suits and dresses.)  Once I started in, though, it was hard to stop.  And pretty soon, a room which once had required a very careful tiptoe through a maze of stacked papers and assorted things-to-be-pitched-or-donated, returned to its former glory.  Well, almost. There are still several stacks around the edges which need to be addressed.  And several folders of different sorts of paperwork which actually need to be filed in the appropriate file folders.  But it's infinitely more presentable than it was. 

One of the items I came across in my random fit of organization was the envelope containing my old mammogram films.  When I say "old," I mean "old."  These date back to 2000.  Which might seem strange because if one were to do the math, one would realize that way back then, I was only 31-32.  And most 31-32 year olds don't have mammograms.  Well, I did, because way back then, I found a lump in my right breast and had to have it checked out.  It turned out to be nothing.  Just a harmless cyst which eventually went away, thankfully.

So, when my 40th birthday rolled around and at my next yearly check up, my doc wrote a scrip for a mammogram, I took it in stride.  Which, in Susie Speak means "procrastinated."  I wasn't in a real rush to set it up.  I'd had one before.  We didn't really have a history of breast cancer in the family.  It certainly wasn't anything urgent.  Eventually (there's that word again!) I got around to scheduling one.  For some reason, I felt compelled to try out a new place which was in the same location as my OB-Gyn.  And since I'd already had one done, they asked me to retrieve my films from the original place.  Which I dutifully did.  But when I showed up for my appointment and finished filling out the requisite paperwork, I was suddenly advised that this new place didn't actually take my insurance.  (Might have been nice to figure that out before the appointment.)  Since I was already there and scheduled, they'd happily go ahead with it, but that would be $300 out-of-pocket.  Yeah - no.  Forget that! I'd just go back to the original place.

Which would require actually calling and making an appointment.  Which I knew I'd get to....eventually. Have I mentioned that I'm also a little obstinate?  For some reason, the insurance fiasco prompted in me a stubborn resistance to getting around to making that call.  Each year, I returned for my annual check up, my doc would write out another scrip for that mammogram I still needed to go get.  And I'd add it to the stack of papers in my office that I knew I needed to get to...at some point.  I even had it written down on several different "To Do" lists floating around my home and even electronically in my Microsoft One Note personal notebook. 

Well, the newfound sense of freedom and motivation that followed from my office organizing last weekend prompted me to actually get off my duff and follow through on several of those "To Do's," including finally calling to schedule that dang mammogram.  The "old" place welcomed me back with open arms and had an appointment happily waiting for me last Thursday.  I went in with my old films in hand and filled out the updated paperwork.  I'd been through it before (albeit, thirteen years ago), and knew it wasn't a dreadful procedure.  Just a few moments of (as I've heard it described before) feeling like your boob is smooshed in the refrigerator door.  

All went well and I felt pretty good about finally checking that box off the ToDo list!  Sweet! Wouldn't have to worry about that for another five years.  Except that they called me back on Friday to say they needed a Mulligan on the right breast.  Something looked a little off and they just needed to be sure.  Ever the optimist, I chalked it up to the fact that I don't have a lot to work with to begin with and so getting me positioned just right and getting a good image I'm sure is no easy feat.  

So, back I went again today for more smooshing.  And then an ultrasound.  Because, it turns out, it wasn't just an imaging issue.  There isn't a mass of any sort, but there are calcifications lurking in there. Itty bitty things, which most of the time turn out to be benign little nothings.  (These are known as "macrocalcifications.")  However, sometimes, especially if they're clustered together or arranged in a pattern of sort, they can be indicative of a sort of pre-cancerous process going on.  These "microcalcifications," again, most often, turn out to be benign.  But not always. And, in order to be sure of that, they require a closer look.  So...next up is a biopsy.  That comes this Thursday.  And I'll know something by Friday or Monday.  (Thankfully, the folks at the breastcare center don't procrastinate. Unlike someone I know....)   And hopefully, what I'll know is that they're just benign little boogers.  And even if not, the good news is this is early and will be addressed accordingly.  

So...why am I sharing all this?  I mean, it is kind of on the personal side.  (Right, like nothing else I've ever written is.....)  Well, I'm sharing it because it just so happens that October (which is just around the corner!) is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month - which is the perfect time for all those of you who, like me, tend to procrastinate to go ahead and make that call and set up that appointment you've been putting off. Because chances are, you're fine, and you'll get the peace of mind of that reassurance and of checking one more "To Do" off your own list. And even if you're not 100% fine, by getting checked out now, you'll know, and be better off tackling that b-word sooner rather than later.  

Now is the time!

Thursday is Reason Enough

I decided not to wait another full week to share my smiles.  There have been enough in the past few days.  Besides, that it's Thursday (and therefore, almost Friday) is reason enough.  So - the most recent smile-prompters:

• I was really pleased with the way this week's Gillespie turned out.
• I got a new, upgraded iPhone - for free!
• Riley and I got to have dinner with my folks - and Mom fixed "THE chicken breasts." 
• Had a nice lunch with David at Jason's Deli yesterday.
• My Mother's Day flowers are still alive.
• I've been able to sleep with the windows open the past few nights. 
• Josh and I got to interview singer/songwriter Derek Webb today -- a great interview -- and next Tuesday's show is already in the can.
• I finally wrote a new post for my political blog.
• Got an unexpected invite to today's ballgame. Even though the Cards didn't take the opportunity to sweep the Pond Scum...er....Mets, it was a beautiful, sunny day, and the perfect way to spend a couple late Spring afternoon hours.
• My latest culinary endeavor - "King Ranch Chicken" - turned out to be pretty tasty.  :)

A Week's Worth

Well, here it is, Sunday night again. Guess who's been blog-slacking?  It's terrible. The only thing I can say in my defense is I've been quite busy. And mostly in a good way.  So...to the smiles:

• Riley had her Girl Scout bridging ceremony this week - she's moving on to Cadettes!
• Her acting performance for the Stages Showcase on Thursday was quite good - even if far too brief.
• Was very sweet to see a segment of the Showcase dedicated to special needs kids.
• Had a wonderful "staycation" in STL this weekend with my beau. 
• In one of the strangest coincidences I've ever heard of, the two framed photos hanging in the room at the Ballpark Hilton were of the homes my grandparents owned on Portland and Westmoreland Place -- how those two particular photos wound up together in my hotel room, I'm not quite sure I'll ever understand.  Still, it was rather a nice reminder of Grandma and Paw-Paw Moore. 
• Dinner and the Cards game with David, Julie and Mike was lots of fun - even the part where the three of them moved to another section while I was in the restroom just to mess with me. (Yes, I'm plotting my revenge. ;) )
• There was a dude seated in the row in front of us who truly looked like he could be the love child of Fingers Malloy and John Brodigan.
• We got to see Shelby Miller pitch a one-hitter.
• I got a cool new Cardinals jacket.  
• Our shopping trip to Main Street in St. Charles on Saturday yielded some yummy "Float Trip Pickles" and assorted other goodies from one of my favorite stores - The Olde Town Spice Shoppe - along with Mother's Day gifts for my Mom. 
• During the walk we took down to the river and Frontier Park, we spied a wedding party being photographed -- and noticed the bridesmaids - and bride! - were all wearing cowboy boots. 
• Our little impromptu BBQ at home last night was quite tasty. And I now know how to microwave corn on the cob.
• I taught David how to play Canasta.  And he beat me!
• Brunch at Mike and Julie's today was nice -- we had a beautiful day for it, and I'm grateful I got to celebrate a happy Mother's Day with both my Mom and Riley. 
• I got both the front and back yards mowed today (as the nine lawn bags lined up at the curb can attest.) 
• We had sunshine yesterday and today. 
• I got to spend much of my time this week and weekend with my love. 
• I am now capping off my weekend by enjoying a Haagen Dazs salted caramel ice cream bar.

:)

How'd It Get to Be Sunday Night Already?!

I knew it had been a few days since my last post. I didn't realize it had been five. And it isn't for lack of smiles. More for lack of time.  Then, too, the wannabe writer in me is balking a little at churning out posts just for churning's sake.  Especially when they amount to little more than lists. Still, the lists are of happy things and reminders to me of the many blessings life has to offer.  And I know the more substantive prose will come when it's ready.  So, with that little bit of self-conscious rambling out of the way, some of my smiles from the past few days:

• Riley's last May Day celebration at her elementary school, though this one was bittersweet: I enjoyed watching her class finally get to perform the Maypole Dance, and hearing the Fifth Grade Chorus sing, but it was strange realizing that her time there is coming to an end -- six years has flown by.
• Later that evening, the strings concert at her school (which was short and sweet.)
• Lunch on Thursday for a belated celebration of Administrative Professionals Day with my secretary Judy, who's one of the sweetest people I know.
• That afternoon's visit to the dentist (who also happens to be my dear friend, Laura) with Riley yielded news that she has no cavities, but eight loose teeth!  (Not that I am looking particularly forward to the orthodontics that will soon follow, but it's good to know she's progressing along.) 
• Lunch Friday at Espino's (where I once again regained my FourSquare "mayorship") -- always delicious, and since my dining companion was David -- bonus!
• Friday evening, Riley attended a party at her soon-to-be middle school -- the kids had a blast and parents got informed re: all the fun things we have to look forward to.
• We got to put in a brief appearance at Dan & Tina's Cinco de Mayo party on Saturday -- was good to see them, and I got a kick out of their niece's kids -- especially little Chloe who let me help her open her birthday present and then reached up for me to pick her up and help her out of her chair -- been a long time since I've held a little girl in my arms.
• Dinner at Dave & Busters with David and his girls was delicious, and we had lots of fun shooting hoops, playing air hockey, racing horses, "driving" race cars and "riding" roller coasters.
• We followed that up with some yummy treats from Fritz's and lots of giggles around the kitchen table.
• Today, I was able to help my folks with a few computer problems -- I think.
• I also attempted another new dish for dinner -- "Doritos Casserole" was Riley's pick -- and it actually was quite tasty. 
• Lastly, though it may seem strange that the (seventh) anniversary of my Grandmother's passing would prompt a smile, it did -- because thinking of her and remembering just how amazing she was most always brings a smile to my face. I like to think she's smiling back. :) 

Several Days' Worth

The weekend was chock-full of fun and Monday got away from me, so I saved up several days' worth of smiles for this entry.  (I'd like to pretend that was all calculated, but no -- it was just me being lazy and forgetful.) Some of the highlights:

• Saw a herd of deer early in the morning on my way to pick up Riley on Friday...
• Followed by a pretty red fox on our way back home.
• Won a HUGE Motion Friday morning; very proud of that one!
• My ode to my very own Opossum Slayer and the wonderful sketch my friend Katie worked up to go along with it came together just in time to welcome him home from his week of hunting.
• Enjoyed a nice dinner at a new place (including my favorite - fried artichoke hearts) with the beau, followed by a cute/funny movie with him and his kiddos.
• Got to host a visit with my dear friend Michelle again.
• Our Saturday evening at Massa's was highlighted by the cast of Jersey Shore - the Wedding Episode showing up and entertaining us with their questionable fashion statements and "The Sitch's" decision to remove his shirt.
• Something about seat-warmers and flipping switches.
• Sunday lunch was a divine visit back to Crown Candy Kitchen, complete with a Heart-Stopping BLT & chocolate shake.
• Followed by some shopping along Main Street in St. Charles - including the purchase of a really cute (and inexpensive!) bracelet.
• Followed by several nice glasses of wine at Winery of the Little Hills with Michelle and David.
• My first attempt at BBQ Bacon-Wrapped Meatloaf was a success -- quite yummy!
• Giggled myself silly recording Gillespie last night.
• Yesterday and today were warm and sunny. 

And that's quite a lot for just a few days.  :)

Would You Slay an Opossum in a Thunderstorm?

A year-and-a-half ago, I penned a somewhat tongue-in-cheek post declaring my unwillingness to provide my phone number to any future would-be suitors absent a willingness on their part to slay a dragon for me. Mostly, it was me grousing about the irritating lack of follow-through many modern day fellas seem to have developed, and mourning the loss of the courting tradition.  I didn't truly expect a dragon slayer to magically appear on my doorstep. Frankly, I wasn't quite sure they even existed.  I certainly wasn't holding my breath.  And I think I figured if I -- even just facetiously -- set the bar that high, I'd probably be doing myself (and others) a favor by keeping everything simple.  If no one can meet your standards to begin with, they'll never really be able to let you down later, right?  Not that I managed to follow my own rule completely -- I may have made an exception or two.  Which played out in predictable fashion.  

Then....I met my "Beau."  A tall, handsome fellow, who seemed to meet all my requirements "on paper" -- and even more so in person.  As we got to know one another better -- slowly, but steadily -- he demonstrated, repeatedly, an ability -- and willingness -- to top that bar.  He contacted me; he invited me out; he held the door for me; he listened to all my silly stories with the patience of a saint; he made me laugh; he willingly met friends and family; he was kind to my daughter; he cooked for me, and indulged my lame attempt at baking; he read my writing and listened to my radio shows; he volunteered for all manner of helpful tasks; he sent me flowers; he brought me silly, sweet cards. He courted me.  

I, of course, basked in this.  But, truth be told, I was a little skeptical.  I scrutinized him and pondered the situation from every angle, waiting for that dreaded other shoe to drop.  It still hasn't.  I also worried and wondered along the way what I'd manage to do or say to scare him off.  I suppose I must be doing something right, because that hasn't happened either.   

Several weeks ago, I awoke to discover an unpleasant surprise on my deck:  A dead opossum.  Not of the playing-dead or only-mostly-dead variety.  Deader-than-dead dead.  And rather slimy, to boot.  I yelped and, of course, immediately snapped a picture of the unfortunate critter, which I promptly texted to Beau with shouts of "Hallllllppppp!!" After agreeing my discovery was rather nasty, he then did the unthinkable:  He volunteered to come over and rid me of it.  Of course I didn't take him up on it. He was half an hour away, and needed to be at work.  But I've no doubt he would have.  

And as I relayed the story to a friend later that morning, she verbalized the very thought I'd had earlier:  "You not only found a guy who'll slay a dragon for you -- you found one who'll slay dead opossums!"  As if that weren't enough, a few days later, while at my sister's house for a family dinner, we got socked with a nasty thunderstorm.  About half way through it, I realized the moon roof on my car was still open, which I could have lived with, were it not for the fact that Riley became convinced her book and backpack would be soaked.  I reluctantly grabbed an umbrella, kicked off my flip-flops, and readied myself for a mad dash out to the car.  Just as I reached the door, a huge bolt of lightning struck nearby, accompanied by a loud clap of thunder.  I screamed and jumped back and quickly reconsidered my intended jaunt.  At which point, my Beau, without a word, bravely reached out his hand for the keys then bounded out to my car to close up the roof for me.

All of which is to say this: I've long prided myself on being fiercely independent, and capable of doing most things I put my mind to on my own. Still, it is a wonderful thing to encounter someone who's able and willing to hold out a hand (or shoulder or ear) and render that not such a matter of necessity.  They may be rare, but dragon slayers do exist.  Gentlemen: take notes.  And ladies, if you happen upon one -- especially one who'll dispatch dead opossums and brave the height of a thunderstorm for you -- hang onto him.  And realize that you're a very, very lucky girl.  

Special thanks to Katie Hedrick for the artwork!!